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The Times.

I hadn’t been to church in a while

hadn’t realised just how PC

the whole palaver had become

until I went up to take communion

from the lesbian lady vicar

 - all tattoos & piercings -

& handing out the nibbles & drinks

she mumbles

 

  The gluten-free body of Christ:

  The pesticide-free blood of Christ:

 

  The gluten-free body of Christ:

  The pesticide-free blood of Christ:

 

Christ, I thought,

it’s only a matter of time

before the refreshments

come in little cartons & sachets

like Travelodge milk & sugar

& you’ll have to help yourself

 - and break your fingernails

in the process, no doubt.